Current mood:

restless

[fic] [bleach] isshin explains it all
I'd apologize, but then I'd have to admit wrong-doing. How out of practice am I! It is, as they say, to woe. Or something. Shut up; you're oppressing me!


Isshin Explains It All


"Ichigo," began Isshin five after six on Monday morning, "it is time. Time! for us to talk."

"Not while I'm eating," said Ichigo, picking up his cereal bowl and moving two seats over.

"Now," said Isshin, chuckling nostalgically, "it's normal for a young man your age to experience urges to feel the soft plumpness of a woman's breasts--"

Ichigo choked on his spoon.

Isshin pressed on, hand on his chin and the other at his waist (Daddy Knows Best Pose No. 45, Revised): "I, too, have been down this road many a time before! Why, when I was but a youthful stud in the university, I could barely control these two rascally hands! By the time your mother and I--"

"WHAT THE FUCK OLD MAN," Ichigo said, after punting the cereal bowl into his face.

"Which is why I've decided you shall not go down the same path as I!" said Isshin, wiping a tear from his eye and milk from his brow. "How many sleepless nights I've spent in regret!" He turned aside, slipping two socks dressed in wigs and photo clippings over his hands. "Now, I've prepared a puppet show starring your mother and me to explain the Good Touches and Bad Touches of a young man's desires. No need to thank me, son, it's all for your virtue! Wait, what's this? Oh no! Looks like Puppet Daddy is going for Puppet Mommy's special--"



[end]